Theist

I wrote the text for this entry in October last year, but never ended up posting it on my other blog.

I'm not quite in the same place any more, but I can address that later:

I’m not Jewish.

Anyone who looked at me would be able to tell instantly that I’m not of Jewish descent. My make-up is predominantly Celtic and Baltic – with a bit of Nordic and a dash of Germanic and a sprinkling of whatever the heck the English are. Northern Europe is my genetic genesis. Which basically means that I’m a red-headed giant.*

But definitely not Jewish.

I’m also not Jewish in that I’m not a member of the Jewish faith. I don’t have the traditions that Jewish people have. I don’t light their candles, I don’t say their prayers, and I don’t observe their fasts or festivals.

So saying “I’m not Jewish” is a bit like saying “I’m not a bicycle” – it’s kind of a “well, duh!” statement. But this simple little sentence had quite an impact on my life a little while ago.

I mentioned in a previous post [on another blog] that I had an epiphany one night while reading a passage from the Old Testament. I was trying to think about how it applied to my life and my spiritual walk when I suddenly realised “this wasn’t written for you.”

I was, for most of my life, a devout Christian. I struggled with fitting into the particular denomination of Christianity I was raised into (the denomination in which my church and school were situated), but never Christianity itself. I was certain that Christianity was definitely the way to go, and I’d find the right denomination for me out there eventually.

I’m not much of one for blind faith. I was definitely in the “well it must be true because it’s in the Bible” camp as a child, but the older I got the more I realised that such an attitude was a sign of weakness. If you have to cling to something and never question it in order to believe that it’s true, then maybe that’s because it isn’t strong enough to be questioned. If you can't question it, then maybe it isn’t true.

But something doesn’t have to be literally true in order to teach a spiritual truth.

So when it came to the Bible, I hadn’t taken it literally for years. I read it for the spiritual truths, not for the “facts”.

But until very recently, I never questioned the fact that I was taking Judaism as the one true faith. That’s how it is in the Old Testament, and that’s what Jesus said a couple of times in the Gospels, and that’s what Paul reinforced in his version of Christianity (which, thanks to the volume of his writing and the fact that it was included in the Bible, is the version of Christianity that has been handed down to us).

But I’m not Jewish.

A religion is a cultural product. There are some big, awesome universal truths we find ourselves faced with when we stare into the vastness of space, the infinite wonder that surrounds us or the unplumbable depths within our own consciousness. Within our culture and our history, we try to describe and define those truths, and we end up making something that captures a small part of it and adds a heck of a lot of embellishment.

Everyone is raised within the religion that grew out of their culture, and everyone is taught that this is the one true faith. But any given religion is showing only a fraction of the shadow God casts, and yet trying to claim that this is all there is.

I woke up to that in my teens, and yet I didn’t register what that really meant until my recent epiphany. I was willing to accept that the denomination of Christianity I was raised in was not the one true version of Christianity but simply one facet of a multifaceted gem which was deluded enough to think that it was the only facet worth looking at. And yet, for years I never questioned whether Christianity, as an extension of Judaism, was the “one true faith”.

For Christianity to be the “one true faith”, and for the Bible in its entirety to be the touchstone of that faith, that means Judaism is the “one true faith”. But if, at any point in time, you asked me “are you Jewish?”, I would have answered instantly and without needing to think about it: “No.”

I never once thought I was Jewish, but only recently did I fully realise that I’m not and I never was, and I have no good reason to think that Judaism is any better than, say, the religion of the Ojibwe, the Wulgurukaba or – dare I say it – the traditional faiths of my own “people” (the Celtic, Baltic and Uralic peoples).

The trouble with realising that Judaism is not my faith and means nothing to me is that it underpins Christianity. Jesus was Jewish. He was born into that faith and his gospel and ministry came out of Judaism and were meant to enlighten the Jews. It’s a good gospel and a good ministry, which is why they had an appeal far beyond Judaism and have enlightened many people throughout the world over millennia. It’s just an absolute shame that so many of the people who tried spreading it throughout the world completely missed the point of most of it.

A lot of damage has been done, and a lot of blood has been shed, by missionaries and crusaders spreading “the one true faith” with fire and sword - including decimating or destroying the religions of thousands of people groups, and the culture, artefacts and history that went with those religions.

So where does that leave me and my relationship with Christianity, which has been a central part of my life for as long as I can remember?

Do I believe in God, the Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth? Yes. With every fiber of my being. Although my image of what “he” looks like is not exactly what it used to be – nor, for that matter, my image of “heaven and earth”. Do I believe that God cares about us, and has a vested interest in how we treat each other? Yes. With every fiber of my being. Although, now I’m expanding what “us” actually means and giving a lot more thought to how we actually treat each other. 

In the grand scheme of things, I’m probably a panenthiest – I believe the universe came out of God, and everything is within God, and God is within everything. That has some interesting consequences in terms of how we treat this planet and the beings who share it with us, and I’m currently contemplating those.

Do I believe that Jesus was the son of God? Yes… but not the “only begotten” son of God. I’m currently of the opinion that we are all God’s children, but most of us are too thick to notice so we don’t live as children of God. Jesus noticed, and lived it.

Do I believe that devotion to Jesus is the only way to get to heaven? Not so much. For one thing, there are too many people who will never hear about Jesus or his teaching, and I don’t believe a God who gave us all life and cares about us all would doom anyone to hell simply because they lived in the wrong place at the wrong time and missed out on hearing the “good news”. For another thing, I’m not sure I believe in heaven (or hell).

I believe there is something beyond this life, but I’m pretty darn sure it’s nothing like whatever we think it is. I suspect it’s another life – another chance to figure out how to be a child of God. If you believe that the ultimate goal of life is to understand the nature of God and live in tune with his/her will (which I do), then the idea that any given life-time is a chance to work it out - but if you haven’t worked it out by the end, then you have to try again - is one that makes a lot of sense. Does that mean I believe in reincarnation? Not exactly – but I’m open to the possibility.

Do I believe that living according to Jesus’ teachings is the way to get to “heaven”? Kind of. Jesus was an enlightened being who had worked out a lot of what is needed to live a better life and be a better person. It’s by living a better life and being a better person that we come to understand the nature of God and live in tune with his will. This is the point of life. So following the teachings of Jesus are absolutely going to get you closer to “heaven”. We just need to pay attention to what he actually taught.

Do I believe that Jesus wanted anyone to use his name to start a few hundred wars that lead to destruction and decimation and caused people to associate his name with an attitude that is completely at odds with his teachings, all to make sure everyone on the planet followed the “one true faith”? No.

So, I am definitely not Jewish. I’m not entirely sure I can call myself Christian at this point either. I expect a lot of Christians out there would say I can’t.

But I am still a devout Theist, and I’m still trying my best to understand more and grow as a person. Seeking wisdom – that’s all I can really do at this point. Where I will be in a few years time, I don’t know.

*The “giant” bit is relative. Next to, say, a Tongan, I’m a shorty. Next to a Filipino, on the other hand, definitely a giant.