The Box on the Form

As I filled in the generic admissions form to be admitted to hospital for a test, I came across a box I wasn’t expecting.

Actually, it was the second box I wasn’t expecting. The first box that caught me by surprise is the one that wanted to know my marital status in depth. Not just “Are you married, yes or no?” but, “married, never married, divorced, widowed?” I can’t think of a single medical procedure that needs to know if I’m a spinster or a divorcee. For that matter, does a hospital need to know if I’m married at all? Either I list my spouse as a next of kin or I don’t.

The next box had me scratching my head for a different reason. Once again, I didn’t think it was information necessary for my health care, but my main problem was the fact that I couldn’t decide what to write in it:

Religion?

There it was, asking me to state my faith, and I had to think about it.

Now, I was booking into a private hospital run by the Catholic Church, so they probably think checking to see if you’re Catholic or not is perfectly reasonable. The last time I had a procedure in that hospital was a few years ago, so I forgot this question was on the admission forms. I expect I said I was Anglican back then.

This time? I equivocated.

I’ve been having trouble finishing “I am a…” statements involving religion lately. I grew up in one denomination of Christianity, switched to another in my late 20s, engaged with Quakerism (which is mostly Christian, but not necessarily) on and off for years and recently discovered Buddhism, which I’ve been exploring for the past year or so.

I’m not a member of a Buddhist community, or a follower of a particular Buddhist school (mostly Zen, but I’m learning from all sorts of sources at present), so I hesitate to call myself a Buddhist (even though I kind of am), but I’m Buddhist enough that I hesitate to call myself a Quaker (which is still technically a Christian denomination), even though I regularly attend the local Quaker group nowadays. In my head I think of myself as a “Buddhist Quaker”, and I think both the Buddhists (depending on the Buddhists) and the Quakers would let it ride while I’m figuring things out, but I don’t know if it’s a long-term option.

You can’t write that on a form, however. It’s ridiculous. It would be like nominating which fruit you want for your packed lunch as “an apple banana”. Although, Buddhism and Quakerism are close enough to each other in “general vibe” that it would probably be more like “an apple pear”. Still, you’re kind of expected to pick one when you fill in a form.

I have, in recent months, called myself a Buddhist when filling in a sign-in sheet for a meditation space – and I’m slowly outing myself as a Buddhist to some people – but I have to admit that it’s not coming naturally. I’m still saying things like “I’ve gone a bit Buddhist” or “I’ve been studying Buddhism lately” rather than coming right out and saying: “I’m a Buddhist.” Mind you, Buddhism doesn’t sit comfortably with “I am” statements (who is this “I” of which you speak?), so maybe that’s not a bad thing.

I am a bit more comfortable with admitting the Quaker side of things – partly because I’ve spend more time exploring Quakerism, and partly because I’m at least in regular contact with local Quakers. In the end, that’s what I put on the form.

If I’m being brutally honest, it’s probably because I thought “Quaker” would be more acceptable in a Catholic hospital. But it’s also because I asked myself which “minister” they should send me if they felt they should send me a minister, and I realised I wasn’t Buddhist enough to feel comfortable saying: “yes, if I need a priest or a chaplain, send me a Buddhist one.” Maybe, if I get the chance to attend a zendo semi-regularly or a couple of sesshins, I’ll start thinking of myself as being Buddhist enough to feel comfortable asking for a Buddhist chaplain.

Right now, though, I think if I was in hospital, worried, and looking for something familiar and comforting to bring me spiritual balm, I’m probably better off identifying as Quaker. Mind you, there are only four “Quakers” in this town (and I’m one of them) and while I’m sure any of the others would happily visit me if I needed visitors, none of them would stick their hands up to call themselves a “minister” or a “chaplain”. So I’d probably still ask for my priest from my Anglican days, if it came to that.

I wonder what I’ll write next time I come across that question on a form?